My Blog

I had to put my dog down after having him almost 15 years. He had been staying with my grandma back when I was working and back in school full time. Then when I relapsed I never got myself together enough to get him back with me. He got old, really fast. He was suffering and I know this was the right thing to do. I just can’t believe it. Friday my emotions were making me feel so fucked up I wanted to run to the dealers so bad. So instead I took a few extra antipsychotics to knock myself out to get passed the cravings.

I’m not emotionally stable enough to go through grieving right now. I have 58 days since I last used hard drugs. I got hired to start at Tim Hortons. I wanted to go back to school for accounting but I need money, so I had to look for work and this was the only place I got an interview for. So I’m going to try it out, but again, my emotions are not stable and I get real angry out of no where or I go hours without crying then all of a sudden start to dissociate and stare off into space. I don’t want to feel all this.

I handn’t posted on here in a while and just wanted to get something out. I haven’t even been journaling.