My Blog

I always get bad anxiety before I go to post something on here. I blogged so much for so many years on tumblr, but I was high as a kite most of the time on anything I could get. So it’s hard to come on here and post without being high as hell or using.

My friend Brooke and I reconnected. I’m so grateful for this. We are making plans to go to Canada’s Wonderland hopefully in the next month. I’ll post a picture of us after I ask her if I can post her on here. I met her when I first got into AA/NA back in 2019. We instantly hit it off. We just get eachother’s energies going. We get crazy but it was sober crazy which was the best part. When I relapsed and just wasn’t getting any better, she had to put up a boundary and step back from me because she was worried I would die. So she just needed to block me out in a sense, and I get that. It’s so great. When I got sober finally back in 2020, it took me over a year to make a real good friend. Now I have two bestfriends, who are actually friends.

My pharmacy messed up my Vyvanse prescription. I’m supposed to get 30mg first dose, than take a 20mg a few hours later so it lasts longer throughout the day for me. But the lady filled me a bottle of 60mg pills. Just a few days worth until i got my blister pack. I just said alright and ran out running to the car to my boyfriend. It was his birthday yesterday and he takes Vyvanse too but we ate all his so I was excited to have a high dose to share with him. Yes, this will have to change when I get proper sobriety, but for now, I’ll just carry on. I have been wanting to go to an in person AA meeting for forever now, by night I’m too stoned and lazy on weed to get my ass to a meeting, so I found one at 10am. I was nervous but I made it. It was a great meeting I’m so glad I went. I had a 20 minute walk back home afterwards and my pills were kicking in and I was feeling amped. I haven’t gone for a walk in a while, like, a gooooooood walk. So I went home quick, put my bag down and got ready to go for my walk at the waterfront. It wasn’t sweltering hot out yesterday either, omg it was so beautiful. I walked for a total of two hours and had to call Dylan to pick me up because I didn’t bring water or drink hardly any that morning, and my legs were cramping up right up to my hips. I can barely walk now!

I saw these two guys meet up on the path and I just assume certain people are holding and I could easily just ask for some. I was triggered to use so badly, But I survived. The homeless are starting to set up tents in that area now where I go for my walks. I feel for them, it just triggers me because it reminds me of using is all.