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I miss Boomer so much. Yesterday was already two weeks. I can’t believe I haven’t drank or relapsed on harder stuff. Every day I’m scared. I just try to keep myself busy. I’ll just stand there in the middle of the room and try to figure out what minor thing I can do next to pass some time, keep busy.

I hate feeling my emotions. Even when I’m happy I feel anxious. I’m just trying to stay on top of the grief. I really want to use. Dylan should be home in the next hour I hope. I did manage to drag my ass to an in person meeting two Saturdays ago and got some phone numbers and talked with one lady a bit. She’s listened to me complain about my trouble with quitting pot and she found me someone to talk to that’s in the program. The women called but I was sleeping and then I was too shy to call back. Eventually we talked a bit and I’m going to meet her tomorrow night at her homegroup. I’m going to go a half hour early to help her set up and chat. Apparently she had a hard time quitting pot too so we can relate there. It’s like a totally different drug because of the stigma that it’s like a hippy drug and it’s natural or whatever else. I can quit crack but I can’t quit smokes or weed? It feels embarrassing to be honest. I know I’m not alone here.

I’m ready for the future, lets be happy, when will I be happy and not addicted to harmful crap?